Great possibilities for parenting
Andrea Murcia (Colombia)
Education and Life Coach certified by ICF
“A person is a person, no matter how small,” Dr. Seuss
In Coaching we are trained to look at people and recognize in our clients their own capacity and internal resources to take charge of the situations they are going through, honoring their values and, at the same time, ensuring we maintain an alliance that does not let them to succumb to obstacles that may arise.
That is why before, during and even after a meeting or session, we stop to check what is going on with us to feel how connected we are with that customer that needs our company and service to make valuable discoveries about his being, its light and its shadow. And it is in these moments of darkness, pain, apparent failure we need to take our courage and forcefulness as Coaches to facilitate our client look and discover the big power it has to transform their situations what most craves, coming so their own goals.
Appreciating the Being of our children through listening and connection
Now, just for a moment, let’s pause to think about what happens when, as parents, we manage to approach parenting from a perspective in which our children are complete beings, who are not lacking in anything, who have their own light and who Need to make it shine is to accompany them to find it, to see it and make it flash in the midst of the most turbulent moments, letting go of control, without losing the compass, because we must keep in mind that the adults of the relationship are us.
What happens when we accept the Being of our children and honor it instead of judging it? What happens when, in the midst of our busy schedules, open spaces for them to feel deeply heard, beyond tears or words that can proffer?
It is from this deep listening to open a space for connection and acceptance of Being of our children; which means, for example, that on the occasions that require it, we learn to look with the same sense of wonder with which they discover the world, that we put aside our intemperate zeal and begin to marvel again with the plane passing or the rainbow coming out on a rainy afternoon and the sun.
Similarly, we can realize that behind behaviors, there are encrypted messages they want to be heard, but their short age it is impossible to express, and need our capacity so that they themselves can be validated and learn to develop their own voice. That’s when our children feel that they are heard, respected and understood; several studies say that this facilitates cooperative becoming children go beyond obedient children who only follow instructions without questioning what they have for them.
Our Impact on the Being of Children
When we have moments of glory or bogged down moments we not only questioned what was happening with our children, but what was happening in our being that impacted the situation.
It is in this type of circumstances that we learn how from our security or insecurity we activate in our children diverse behaviors, since they are expert readers of our emotions and they usually have clarity on which “button” to press to take us of squares. If as parents we know avail, this is an opportunity that helps us to learn to flow and dance at the time, anticipating unnecessary crisis.
Many think that such questions are not worth it, but start being more aware parents, we find our own childhood, we can discover what we hear, what we feel, what we said, what we are silent, do we think at this stage of our lives.
And that’s when we are able to see us to give more elaborate answers that nourish the lives of our children and highly contribute to the development of the pre-frontal cortex of the brain; this part of the brain is responsible for the most elaborate functions, how to plan, organize, prioritize, make decisions, and so on. It is the part that accomplishes the task of softening and soothing the reaction process of the amygdala that is triggered by a potential threat.
Skills to plan, communicate and achieve goals
The authority (which is not the same as authoritarianism) gives us clarity and determination, because thanks to it we know how we educate our children, what behaviors we accept and which not. Thanks to it, we can set limits, rules and common goals from a more serene and respectful of our being place, allowing us to keep them on track. Without developing a strong and clear voice of authority, it becomes harder to make good use of raising our children, because that is where children are unclear about what is expected or what is not expected of them.
The great contribution or possibility that opens the Coaching is that, as a tool for expanding consciousness allows us, the parents, these moments are more consistent and more aware, because despite our good intentions, often act on autopilot, reacting without giving answers to cultivate the relationship with our children and allow them to develop valuable life skills.
Without a doubt, when the competencies of coaching are at the service of parenting, our children are spinning their way, keeping his covenant with us as a place of contention with the great added value to do so from the beginning of their lives. We avoid the consequences deal, because from an early age began to work on the causes and not only saved them and saved great suffering, but we facilitate the growth and development of all the potential that come equipped with this life.